Life Coaching For Christians

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Anyone have an outlet they are not using?

By Stan Lewis

To flee or submit

What I am about to say may not seem very nice, but please bear with me. How many of you know those certain people that seem to drain all of the emotional energy out of you. The type that whenever you see them, you feel the need to flee or submit to an emotional draining.
Now this is not very pleasant to speak of, because most of us do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. But the truth be told, every time they come around it is like someone looking for an unused outlet at someone's home to mooch some power from. And when they find it, they plug right in to you and seemingly, drain the emotional energy right out of you. And no matter how much they drain, it is never enough for them. Why? These people have a tendency to focus upon the negative issues and events of life. These people remind me of an old TV comedy show - Hee Haw. Each week, they would do a singing skit around a song that went something like this "Doom - despair and agony on me…deep dark depression - excessive misery… if I had no bad luck, I would have no luck at all…Doom - despair and agony on me " These people's glasses are never half-full. They are only half-empty at best and at worst three-quarters empty.

How to deal with the emotional vampire -

So how do you deal with the emotional vampire? This is a question with no easy answer, but yet the answer is clear. You use the truth. You need to speak the truth in love and kindness. I have been through this problem and you must tell the person that their negative attitude is draining you. Additionally, it is necessary to add that you want to be both helpful and encouraging, but that they need to take what you are saying to heart. That is important that they change their focus to positive things so that their attitude on life and its situations will change, as they must change.
If you are a leader or manager, you need to pull these types of people to the side and speak positively into their lives or their negative attitude will wreak total havoc upon your team or department, as well as themselves. It will not be easy, but stay with it.

The bottom-line is if they come at you with negatives; respectfully tell them to stop it. Do not give them a place to plug their negativity into you. Then take the negative they offer and turn it 180 degrees to a positive. Then toss it back to them. While change is typically good, this is one area where change is not acceptable as a friend or a leader. For a negative focused mind is closed off and unfixable until that person opens themselves up to be repaired and made whole. We have no control over the opening and closing of another mind. We can only pray for them and be there when they allow the access of positive influence upon their newly opened minds.

Are you the emotional vampire?

Most emotional vampires do not realize the draining effect they have on others. Many are hurting or have been hurt deeply and are trying to deal with it. It is that the method they are using to relieve the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment is a very poor one. They pour out their negative feelings, in an attempt to garner support, but they never let it all go. These people tend to keep a little bit of the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment within them. That little bit of pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment festers and grows. When the festering mass becomes overwhelming, and it does not take long to do so, the need to dump it on someone grows also. This cycle of dumping puts a drain on friends and co-workers.
Does any of this sound familiar? Be honest, have you caught yourself up in this draining cycle of dumping the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment? However, you keep back a portion of the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment to yourself. The pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment you kept back grows like a canker sore. You unload on everyone, still keeping a little of the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment to grow and dump all over again. You just need to say it, heal, grow and move in another direction that's positive for your personal development.

How to regain your true self -

If this is you, I challenge you to let it all go and put your focus on God's word and the many positive things he wants for you. The animals and plants do not complain and dump on others, yet God provides them with all they need. Totally pour out the pain, hurt, anger, and / or disappointment. Leave none of it behind. Turn your mind away from it to God's word and promises. Those words and promises are true and such a focus will change your mindset and attitude towards everything around you.
So seriously give yourself a chance by placing your focus on the positive for 90 days. Each time you are tempted to be negative, make the mental effort to mentally maintain focus on the positive. Never give in. Fight it. This the only way that you are going to develop and become who you truly are. And I am here to tell you that the true you isn't a negative minded, grumbling, and mal-content that no one wants to be around. No, you have the gifts and awesome potential to be anything you wish to become. Nothing can stop God and you. You do not need that plug-in to dump into and drain others. So drop that plug and make the necessary changes. After all my friend, the only barrier to your success in this world is - you. If you need help breaking the barriers of the status quo, please let me know. I'd love to help coach you past the barriers and be your accountability partner.


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